05 Jun Awakening The Senses: Healing and Forgiveness
Every year, we look forward to Ramadan, the fasting month, for many different reasons. Some of us want to spiritually renew ourselves, some of us, to seek love, some seek the many blessings contained within good deeds, some would want the opportunity to increase charity and alms-giving and so forth. Ultimately, we all seek for closeness with the Creator.
It is natural that we each have different needs and wants because our experiences as humans and as Muslims are varied and not limited. We occupy different spaces and positions in life. We go through different seasons of joy and pain at different times. We are created so unique, MasyaAllah (God Wills it). What we seek this year might be different than last year or even the same. That is fine too.
This year personally, I seek for healing and forgiveness.
As I write this, it is the eve of my birthday and the eve of Isra’ Mikraj (Night of Ascension). What else could be more of a realization to me of the need for my continual growth as a person?
Physically, I am aging and debating on whether I can still consider myself a youth. (Haha! Always, by the way….I decided.) You kids of love are so fortunate to be blessed with so much energy to do good and instilled within you, the curiosity of different cultures and new things that drives you to easily socialize with one another. Do not waste that. I learnt this late but appreciate it more when I started working a few years ago. So korang jangan terlambat.
Spiritually and emotionally, ya Allah. Where do I begin?
I feel like I am a broken person. When you have to distance yourself from the person you love, out of love, you cannot help but feel that way. I kept asking myself if I did something wrong: Did I hurt the person? Did I fail the person? Did I fail us? What should I have done better? Why did I make the person feel hurt? Did I do the right thing?
Could I? Yes. Should I? No.
Questions, I keep questioning myself.
“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?” (Al Ankaboot:2)
God’s will. Allah’s will. When things are not as you hoped and prayed for, do you still believe in His Will? That was the question that had put some sense into me. We can plan but He is the Best of Planners. Allah is the Grand Designer, the Architect.
This is belief, girl.
My soul calms slowly as I accept that test of faith come in different forms. I knew then that I had a lot of work to do with myself. A lot of things I lack, a lot of things to correct. But first, I reminded myself that I have to seek forgiveness and healing in order to repair this brokenness.
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (AZl-Zumar[the Troops]: 53)
I wish to seek forgiveness from the persons I have hurt, from my parents and from The Most Forgiving One. I have always tried to watch my steps, careful not to be harmful to others and myself but I know how fallible I am as a young girl. I regret my lack of wisdom and knowledge in handling things. I am more aware now than ever the importance of treating people with humanness and kindness. I also hope, one day I can learn to forgive myself.
I pray for healing. Not just for me, but especially more so for the persons I have hurt and for everyone else who is going through pain and loss. I wanted to be part of the process of healing. To continue to be hopeful in times of hopelessness, to love even when loving is hard. But grieving and healing is different for everybody so we have to respect that and give people the space they need.
In this Ramadan, I hope my senses are reawakened and I remain awake. If you see me sleeping, stagnant, not moving, stuck, wake me up. Remind me of my purpose: to submit to Allah and to be a good person. We should try to be of service to others. Heal others where we can. Forgive where we can. We fast and purify our souls. Mend relationships. Help the needy. Reach for the Quran and learn to live by it. Be humane. Love. InsyaAllah, He will ease all of our affairs in this life and the next.
Let’s greet the month of Ramadan happily and with a smile. (Or many. Smiling is charity too.)
Also to all the lovers, “La tahzan, Innallaha ma’ana.”(At-Tawbah verse 40)
Do not be sad, Indeed Allah is with us.
Guest Writer, JOM.sg